Saturday, 14 December 2013

Digging and Creating a Vortex

After Stardust came out of school just over two years ago I was concentrating mainly on getting all of his educational and therapeutic support into place.  Now we have this (just about) sorted and tribunals, lawyers, barristers and every other person have exchanged letters and agreed to some sort of sensible and realistic help for Stardust I decided that it was time that I ask for the information from his school.  Stardust has flashbacks to what happened to him during his time in school and has night terrors.  These can be really bad and he has can wake screaming and crying.  It is a nightmare and awful and I feel it is my duty to get to the bottom of what went on, to help him work through it and talk to him about incidents that occurred.

We put in a data protection request and freedom of Information request and the school did not get the information to us.  We have had to contact the Independent commissioners office and they helped to get the ball rolling.  After 12 letters we got some information, just this week.  It has been a proper shock to the system.  I have discovered that Stardust had 96 physical outbursts over a period of 10 months.  This is loads and I did not know.  I did not know it was so bad.  I don’t understand why no one talked to me as Stardust’s mum.  I would have had him out of that door long before I did. There are only a handful of incident reports but one was over the fact he put his coat on back to front.  They insisted he turned it round. He kicked off. The effort he has to put in to put a coat on independently is enormous, he has and definitely had a very weak shoulder girdle.  If they had taken time to get to know Stardust they would know that he feels sick to the bottom of his stomach when he has to co-ordinate his limbs and get dressed.  They didn’t bother to get to know him.  It is inexcusable.  He had a 1:1, the staff/pupil ratio was brilliant and it’s a Special School.....  I know that most of the staff that worked with him have children of their own.  How would they feel? what would they think?  He is a person, he is my baby and he is the one with special needs not them.  I just wish they could get the heartache that bangs inside me every time I think of them holding onto him.   They can’t and they won’t because they don’t understand.  Empathy is beyond them. I am now at a crossroads and I am going to take the right path.

I could spend my life dwelling on the incompetence, the abusive behaviour that Stardust endured or I could and I will take this conscious step right now and make sure I work through it all very quickly and put it to rest.  I have to help him do the same.  We have to get through the treacle and close the door on it all. I have no time, he has no time – I have to look after Stardust and I have to make sure that a positive comes out of this.  I have so much to give and Stardust needs me at my best.  I am going to keep writing our school business plan (it is half done) and I am going to set up something people can look at and think – ‘that’s it that’s how all children should be treated’

Eventually people and organisations are discovered for what they really are.  I think it’s called will catch up with them eventually. 


  1. I am so sorry. It's not right, it's not fair and I am sorry that you both have had to carry the hurt. Sounds like you have a good plan to move forward.

    1. It does stink. I have been rubbish with moving on. Have a stinky cold and struggling to be upbeat this week. Have resigned myself to the fact that maybe once in a while it is ok to be a little sad. I do wish we had some hot sun, always helps. Maybe you could send a nice slab across? Enough to last a couple of months!

    2. Yes, it is okay to be sad... and angry.... and every other emotion as well! It's called 'being human'. As for the weather, it has turned chilly and it is raining!!! Worst December for us in years! :)

    3. Oh booo that is even worse, now neither of us have sunshine.., we will have to create our own x

  2. It seems that despite everything you and S have been through, you are going to set up a school, run the way it should be, that is so inspiring, and makes me wish I lived closer x