tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65295218834652606422024-02-08T17:22:26.468+00:00StardustFollowing the educational and therapeutic journey of my 9 year old son as he evolves and grows.
#aspergers #autism #dyslexia #ASD #eyesofagenius #democraticparenting #doingtherightthingStardusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06273418608974973511noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6529521883465260642.post-14351131552036434172014-05-01T22:16:00.000+01:002014-05-01T22:26:15.260+01:00Introducing Cassie<br />
<br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">We have been so busy in our house over the last two months I haven't had
time to write a <span style="background: yellow;"><span style="background-color: white;">blog</span></span>
post. There has been a big change in our house and this as an introduction
to it –</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Stardust has always loved animals and especially dogs. When I
heard that it was possible to get dogs trained specifically for children on the
autistic spectrum I started my quest of getting him a fully trained dog. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">It was not easy by any means and a lot more complicated if the dog were
to be trained to be allowed to access everywhere. Charities were not
forthcoming - it seems the North of England isn't even thought about when it
comes to this. We found a charity with a section called PAWS but they
didn't cut the mustard for us.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">After some time my Mum decided to buy a standard poodle and we were
planning to train her up ourselves. Easier said than done....she's full
of beans and loves life and training a dog to do anything is tough and
extremely time consuming. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Last November when the poodle was one and still bouncing about
like<span style="background-color: white;"> <span style="background: yellow;"><span style="background-color: white;">Zebedee</span></span></span> Stardust
was continuing to say he really needed a dog in his life so I started to hunt
again. As he doesn't go to school and has only a handful of peers
his own age I felt having a dog around 24/7 could only be a very positive
thing. (I don't give up on something I want to achieve - even if it takes
a while) Luckily for us a private company in Ireland had started training up
assistance dogs for children with autism literally a week before I found
them. When I phoned they were so positive and said they could definitely
sort a dog out for us no problems. We just had to wait for them to call
back to say they had one. <span style="background-color: #f3f3f3;"> <span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; mso-highlight: yellow;">It <span style="mso-shading: yellow;">didn’t</span>
take</span> long and the week after Christmas I found out Cassie an 11 month
old Golden <span style="background: yellow;"><span style="background-color: white;">Retriever</span></span></span>
was being <span style="background: yellow;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black;">trained</span></span>
especially for Stardust. We sent information and video footage to them
showing his behaviours and explaining how he responded in certain situations,.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">In February we went to
Ireland for a week to be trained up and to collect Cassie and bring her
home. It was an incredible week I was exhausted by the end of it. I
was worked pretty hard! The training that has gone into her, my goodness she can
do no wrong. One word when she has her magic jacket on and she does as
you say. It is amazing. We go to the supermarket, cafes,
in museums, cinema everywhere with her. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Cassie is a dream, she is
more than that, she is like one of those dogs you don't know exist until you
meet them. She has brought this calm peaceful space over me and Stardust
and I feel indestructible when I have her by my side. I feel brave, bold
and beautiful (she gets so much attention it's helping my ego too!) Stardust is
happier, I guess calmer, he is more compliant and most of all he is going out
and about and just doing stuff in a way 9 years old should do it. I can't
really explain it but even after two weeks she has changed our lives in a big
way. I am in love with her completely and have so much respect for her.
I think every family in the world needs a Cassie dog. </span><br />
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<span id="goog_1601127563"></span><span id="goog_1601127564"></span><br />Stardusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06273418608974973511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6529521883465260642.post-10272519743252192242013-12-14T17:22:00.001+00:002013-12-14T17:22:30.908+00:00Digging and Creating a Vortex
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">After Stardust came out of school just over two years ago
I was concentrating mainly on getting all of his educational and therapeutic
support into place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now we have this
(just about) sorted and tribunals, lawyers, barristers and every other person
have exchanged letters and agreed to some sort of sensible and realistic help
for Stardust I decided that it was time that I ask for the information from his
school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stardust has flashbacks to what
happened to him during his time in school and has night terrors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These can be really bad and he has can wake
screaming and crying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a nightmare
and awful and I feel it is my duty to get to the bottom of what went on, to
help him work through it and talk to him about incidents that occurred.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">We put in a data protection request and freedom of
Information request and the school did not get the information to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have had to contact the Independent commissioners
office and they helped to get the ball rolling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After 12 letters we got some information,
just this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been a proper
shock to the system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have discovered
that Stardust had 96 physical outbursts over a period of 10 months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is loads and I did not know. I did not
know it was so bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t understand
why no one talked to me as Stardust’s mum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I would have had him out of that door long before I did. There are only a handful of incident reports
but one was over the fact he put his coat on back to front.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They insisted he turned it round.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> He kicked off. </span>The effort he has to put in to put a coat on
independently is enormous, he has and definitely had a very weak shoulder
girdle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they had taken time to get to
know Stardust they would know that he feels sick to the bottom of his stomach
when he has to co-ordinate his limbs and get dressed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They didn’t bother to get to know him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is inexcusable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had a 1:1, the staff/pupil ratio was
brilliant and it’s a Special School.....<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know that most of the staff that worked with him have children of their
own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> How would they feel? what would they think? He is a person, he is my baby and he is the one with special needs not them. </span>I just wish they could get the
heartache that bangs inside me every time I think of them holding onto him. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They can’t and they won’t because
they don’t understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Empathy is beyond
them. I am now at a crossroads and I am going to take the right path.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I could spend my life dwelling on the incompetence, the abusive
behaviour that Stardust endured or I could and I will take this conscious step
right now and make sure I work through it all very quickly and put it to rest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to help him do the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have to get through the treacle and close
the door on it all. I have no time, he has no time – I have to look after
Stardust and I have to make sure that a positive comes out of this. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have so much to give and Stardust needs me
at my best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am going to keep writing
our school business plan (it is half done) and I am going to set up something
people can look at and think – ‘that’s it that’s how all children should be
treated’ </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Eventually people and organisations are discovered for
what they really are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think it’s
called Karma....it will catch up with them eventually. </span></div>
Stardusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06273418608974973511noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6529521883465260642.post-53353834288464284642013-11-26T16:11:00.000+00:002013-11-26T16:11:16.992+00:00Chill out rooms
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Exactly what it says on the label – it causes chills to
occur. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a proper issue with time
out rooms, chill out spaces and anything else you might want to call them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have just found yet another article in
Autism Eye on the abuse of chill-out rooms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is all so true, yet not a soul seems to do anything about it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stardust will tell you how much he despises the
places too, he will tell you in such graphic detail that you will be moved
beyond words. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">We have had endured a slow moving few days and eventually
just yesterday we made some headway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After a meltdown of severe proportions Stardust opened up his heart and soul
to me and cried and cried and cried.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
cried so heavily that I thought that half of Newcastle may have gone under water;
we had puddles on the floor made from his tears. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">.....so two years later we still have to endure the
flashbacks of the so called well intentioned staff, the staff that we trusted
with the care of our precious child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
staff that insisted that Stardust was manipulating situations and purposefully
being difficult, the staff that told us that Stardust should be given drugs to
calm him down, the staff that were only interested in conformity and pushing
their philosophy of tough love onto him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The list could go on and it will in our heads.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stardust is 9 years old and his life is one
huge obstacle, he doesn’t need to be involved with individuals that have a
limited understanding, he doesn’t need the added stress. He needs compassion,
he needs guidance and he needs people around him that he can trust fully.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I would love for Alfie Kohn to pay the management at that
place a visit, he would have so many words and so many clever ways of
describing things that the staff would be squirming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As it happens I could not articulate myself,
I could not because my emotions were so charged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I regret the fact I have not had my say –
although it would I am sure have made little difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were adamant that their way is the best
and only way and we disagreed. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stardust
stood his ground and fought against it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
knows what is right and wrong and he knew that he was being bullied by people
that should have known better. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He said to me yesterday that he is one of the lucky ones,
one of the children who were saved by their Mummy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He worries about the children left behind, he
says to me every now and again that he hopes they have found their voice to
tell someone what is happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the sad reality of what goes through
his ever thinking and tick tocking brain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He is not lucky, he should never have been in that horrendous situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Unless you are a parent who has been through this torment
and experience the emotions you feel when you find out facts like ‘yes your
child was guided (restrained) 12 x in 9 days’ and ‘yes he sat under a table
most of the day’ you can never ever pass comment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You cannot ever understand however hard you try.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know because I am a very sensitive and empathic
person and the emotions felt and still feel relating to this incident are like
nothing else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They fuel something you cannot
describe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is inappropriate extortionate
abuse and there is no getting away from it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Stardust went through this and then was literally dropped
like a brick from another planet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was
left floating in the galaxy trying to find his way through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have
such a fabulous family, we immediately put therapies into place for him, I
ensured he had some support and he had positive people around him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Along the way I have made mistakes, I have
made wrong choices and I have trusted the wrong people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all learn and we move on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time heals wounds and all that....just
sometimes it hurts because time is too slow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Stardusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06273418608974973511noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6529521883465260642.post-31718378026242958292013-11-21T20:36:00.001+00:002013-11-21T20:36:34.500+00:00Double Edged Swords
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Stardust has been a bit dis-connected for the last week,
he has been so immersed in his electronic devices I haven’t felt a closeness to
him. Tonight we had to have a chit and a chat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am writing this and as I do I am reflecting, maybe
it is me that has been dis-connected, maybe it is more about how I have been
than him but it is always a hard one to work out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of us has been distant in some way and
for some reason.....<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Stardust has a brain that fizzes and whizzes, it sees all
sorts of amazing patterns in all sorts of ways, he notices how grids on the
pavement line up, patterns in walls merge together, how we arrange street signs
at certain heights and all sorts of things that would pass me by in a blink of
an eye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has an eye for detail and if
something changes places he is a super star detective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first school Stardust was at he spent
most of his life in the head teachers office; he liked it in there as she
chatted to him and spoke about lots of different things that interested
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One day she told me that he had been brought
in ‘again’ this time because he had thrown a jigsaw out of a first floor window.....
He had walked into the room with his teaching assistant and literally fallen to
the floor kicking and screaming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
were all very confused as to why this would happen at that precise moment but
all was revealed and Stardust eventually told them that a book had been moved
from one side of the room to another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
was so disturbed by this change in his surroundings that he was unable to do anything
for a good hour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This eye for detail is
amazing on one hand but on the other it is so debilitating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always say his strengths are also massive
weaknesses (maybe that is true of us all)...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Stardust has had some really vivid and realistic
nightmares over the last fortnight and he has been very upset and disturbed by
them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He literally became mute for two
long days, one day he said not a word for 6 hours, just mumbles and hand
gestures. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has opened up to us now; I
think when he had worked out how to explain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Stardust finds describing something very tricky and when he does eventually
process information and work out how to re tell something, he has to have the precise
language or he becomes very agitated and annoyed with himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It took about three or four days for him to
tell us and the dreams did sound very scary...vortexes and monsters with cloaks
and daggers dragging him away from his family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not very nice at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He watches YouTube
videos and plays Minecraft and I think these two things combined may have
contributed to his brain morphing and altering stuff about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An amazing concise and particular imagination
but very debilitating.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Today he was in his 1:1 science session and he really wasn’t
focussed, he spent most of the session spinning on a chair and telling us to be
quiet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a bit of a shame as there
were some very interesting experiments and he was just not in the right place
to be doing them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We agreed to finish up
a bit early and I popped his shoes back on (he always takes them off!) he sat
for a minute and then (in his words) he said he felt very very sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told us he had been glancing at the images
on the wall (they are of all sorts of different animals – prehistoric to the
present day) and that he could not comprehend the enormity of the dinosaurs,
how they could have lived in our world and what they were actually doing
here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He went on to say that the ice age
was the most disturbing time for him and even though it was fairly recent at
6000 or so years ago, imagine he said just imagine for one millisecond that you
were one of those poor helpless cute furry animals frozen in time, just wiped
out. He said he was feeling very worried for them and that life really wasn’t fair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Stardust is very clear about his feelings, he does wear
his heart on his sleeve, it can make him vulnerable, although most people cannot
see this vulnerability.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can see it
because I listen to him very carefully, I really do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Some of the things I have written about here really go against
some of the areas that people say about individuals on the autistic spectrum. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stardust has empathy, he has sympathy, he has imagination
and he cares greatly about people and animals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">In a nutshell when you look at that list they are all
endearing qualities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is the unique
insight and level of understanding and how this affects him that is the nub of
the issue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This week has been tough I
can’t deny it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel a bit down beat
but you know things are fine...I gave Stardust a massage tonight and he told me
he loved me so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is always about
taking the rough with the smooth, moving on and adapting each day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here is to some smooth sailing - maybe a
change is afoot...time will tell.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Stardusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06273418608974973511noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6529521883465260642.post-10714460235592741182013-11-15T12:16:00.000+00:002013-11-15T21:58:34.382+00:00Opening my eyes<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Last weekend I had a bit of a cry, not because Stardust upset me, quite the contrary really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just felt this painful overwhelming sadness for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has so many things to work on, so much he finds challenging and I was sitting thinking about how amazing he is and how hard life can be and I just could not stop sobbing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have never sobbed for him like this before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like I said I am full of positivity and I look to the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This day I was thinking forward but I was also just thinking how hard everything is for him and it really is not fair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It sucks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like seriously sucks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I sometimes get a bit weighed down with people saying how
lucky Stardust is. Lucky why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is
nothing lucky about his situation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
feel like shouting, hollering and bawling from the rooftops when people say
that, I find it offensive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They don’t
understand, they really don’t get it, his life has been full blown toughness. He
has fought more than most of us will in a lifetime, in a system that really had
no time or inclination to find him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
has had to work on building up a resilience that would out shine the sun
because he knows how much he hurts and upsets people when he becomes
aggressive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To bounce back from that and
keep going is incredible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He cannot read
and he cannot write yet he keeps trying, he keeps trying because he desperately
wants to know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stardust has intrinsic
motivation for sure, he is riding the wave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He helped me find my passion – I found it because of him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am lucky not Stardust.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This week has been an eye opener for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stardust seems to be moving quickly, his problem solving skills have been flying out of him at the supersonic speed of light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reassured and content that we are 100% definitely doing the right thing.</span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">When you use the approach we do, nothing happens fast and
you often feel almost like you are moving in slow motion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every now and then there is a glimpse at how
good life could be for Stardust in the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He is tirelessly working at putting all of the skills that he has taught
himself into practice. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This week there
have been three groundbreaking incidences that have left my heart fluttering
and caused drip drop tears to stream down my face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>One of these was on Sunday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every year we have a bit of a drama around
advent calendars as Stardust loves Lego and he has always had a Lego advent calendar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The problem is they
cause stress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has to open all of the
windows right at the beginning as he cannot wait, which is fine, it is his
calendar and he can do with it what he likes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He then has to build the pieces and put them back, sometimes bits get
lost and then he just erupts and lava bellows out of him. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He feels frustrated because he has peeked and
is generally fed up. This year I have been a bit undecided about which calendar to
go for...Star Wars or Lego city so I asked Stardust which he would prefer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He sat for a minute, I could see his brain tick
tocking away and he said ‘I don’t prefer either’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I assumed in my daftness that they must’ve brought
out another so said ‘oh ok which one were hoping for?’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He replied very clearly and said ‘none at all,
I don’t want any.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They make me feel
annoyed and this year I will do without’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was flabbergasted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> He
has worked out that it makes him feel so anxious he just does not want to
entertain it. I love this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think it is
incredible. I am thinking at the back of my head he will change his mind before
the 1<sup>st</sup> of December but time will tell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If he does that is fine, he has spent time
thinking about it and how he will cope and that is all I can hope for.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">We had another eureka moment when Stardust had a feeling
of massive frustration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was hoping to
download a video onto his ipad before he left the house and we were
hurrying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He couldn’t find it and
started tensing up and clenching his fists.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is Stardust’s stimming action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He goes into hyper mode and just gets lost in a world he has to pull
himself out of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a dangerous place
to be and as soon as his hands go you know that the inevitable will
happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This day it didn’t; I however had
resigned myself to the fact he was going to blow (which on reflection was
shocking).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He threw his ipad on to a
bag and said he wasn’t going out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
then ran into another room and sat on the sofa for a maximum of 20
seconds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was a bit stressed to be
honest as I wanted him to walk out of the door happy as can be and I was
thinking....no way is he going to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amazing
progress – movements that make the earth move....he came out of the room with
the sofa and said these words. ‘Never mind I can watch another video, it doesn’t
really matter’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He left the house
happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He worked it out. He did it all
on his own. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Today we have had a bit of a hyper morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stardust loves computer games and we
pre-ordered Lego Marvel for his Wii U what seems like an eternity ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In his brain and in his way of working things
out he knew it was due to come today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
did arrive this morning when he was having an Occupational therapy
session.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It banged like a brick through
the letterbox and he heard it and ran.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He saw the box and knew straight away what it was, so we let him open it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had a look and then said to his therapist
he would play it later, he was doing therapy and he would wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He worked it out. He did it all on his own. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br />
I<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> know to many these things sound so unimportant and pretty much insignificant. Nothing is ever a given with Stardust so these things are really important and really significant. They show leaps and bounds of progress. They help us to confirm that his brain is starting to work things out and they really show us all that Stardust always does the best he can - this we knew but to have affirmation of it is reassuring. </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I am feeling pretty
pleased with these big steps he has made this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stardust responds to the way we work with him
because: we respect him and trust him to do the right thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know this is because we do not sanction, we do not
reward and this gives him the opportunity to really work things through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Removing items, taking children out of
situations without giving them a chance to suss it out for themselves is unhelpful at best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How will internal
coping ever occur?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t – it is
controlled coping and this is never good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am looking miles into the future and helping him to lay down foundations for
success. We will keep going, we will get there, I know we will.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Stardusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06273418608974973511noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6529521883465260642.post-39220722229737500672013-11-06T16:21:00.004+00:002013-11-06T16:21:54.899+00:00Bull in a china shop
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span><br />
<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Storms brewing<o:p></o:p></span></u><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Stardust can become extremely anxious in certain
situations and unfortunately this means he can lash out aggressively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has been problematic for him over the
years in a number of different ways. We have stories of situations which have
made me and I am sure him, feel like digging holes and hiding but life goes on.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am here to help Stardust gain tools to
manage his frustrations, like an extension of his body if you like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aggression is the most debilitating part of
his make-up and one that causes me pain and worry on a daily basis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">When an individual is aggressive in this way they cannot contribute
an effective part in society. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">This is a terrifying and real worry for me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">The truth of the matter<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Stardust has been unable to access certain settings
because of his inability to adapt effectively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He cannot for example access the standard education system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is unable to conform in a classroom and
follow the demands placed upon him. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
cannot access certain group activities and he finds it extremely difficult to
participate in situations where strangers are involved. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Schools have seen him as a ‘risk’ to their
staff and to other children and have used restraint as a way to control him and
his behaviour. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Friends we have can
understandably see his behaviour as a ‘risk’ and he has been rejected and
isolated because of this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">What we do<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">At home we do not reprimand or use adult imposed punishments/sanctions
on Stardust for his outbursts. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We do not
bribe and we never make deals with him. We talk and use various techniques to
help him to limit set independently. For example we use talking mats, we use play therapy and we follow Ross Greene’s approach of
collaborative problem solving. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This can
be very hard for those who do not know him to accept, even those that do know
him sometimes have refuted our approach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The facts as they are stand like this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When Stardust has a meltdown he is in effect receiving too many signals
into his brain and it erupts like a mega tornado.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He becomes mute and uses aggression as his
tool of communication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His incidences
are becoming fewer, less aggressive and much shorter and we are constantly
working on helping him.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">An insight into his brain from snippets of information
Stardust has told me<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I would like you to Imagine if one thousand people
clambered into your brain, like right into the belly button of it, the central
part where it all goes on and talked amongst themselves, talking so fast you
couldn’t keep up. Some people start shouting, others whispering, some making
noises that really aggravate you and it feels like it will never stop... then
imagine that you felt they were all trying to ask something of you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lots of questions that you just couldn’t
answer, you wanted to but the words were trapped and they could not and would
not come out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Imagine for each and every
one of those people talking you could feel their emotions deep inside your
soul, that you could not shake it off and that it started to take over your
entire being. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On top of all of that,
imagine you could smell something horrendous that made you feel like hurling up
your entire stomach contents . When you tried to turn your eyes to help get rid
of it all there was an annoying light shining that bounced off your retinas and
felt like it was blinding you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
worst, the very worst part of all is that you couldn’t get away and your body
knew it couldn’t keep calm. Loss of control is inevitable - KABOOM EXPLOSION<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">What we are doing to minimise occurrences<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">This is part of what Stardust is living with on a daily
basis and he sometimes just blows up. I can get that and I can sympathise and
empathise with it. We are helping him to defuse the situations and put
strategies in place to help with regulation because as I said he cannot
function as an effective member of society when he is aggressive. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">After Stardust has had an episode of kicking, throwing,
hitting and sometimes even biting he calms and becomes extremely sleepy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His brain I feel has been knocked off and he
needs time to self regulate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He often
likes to chew on liquorice and lie still. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is fully aware after an event of the
damage and distress he has caused....worst of all for him he feels an immense
amount of guilt and anxiety surrounding this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We always talk about what has happened sometimes a day or so later, when
the time is right and we chat through all the options of how next time we can
work together to make sure that Stardust has the tools in place to do the right
thing. Sometimes this can be successful sometimes it isn’t and we need to go
back to the beginning and try over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"> </span></o:p></span></u></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">How Stardust feels<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">When Stardust is rejected or misunderstood for his
behaviour his trust in the human race gets knocked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mine does too, I hurt for him and I hurt for
our situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel sad that people cannot
and will not see how far we have travelled and how much he has to give.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel pain for him and wish I could take it
away, put it in a big heavy box, fill it with a ton of metal, put a padlock on
it and throw it into the deepest part of the deep blue sea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately we are unable to do this, we
have not been given a choice and we have to live with it all, the consequences
of his behaviour and the reactions of others – which inevitably are often going
to be negative.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">He has full awareness of unacceptable and acceptable
behaviour, he understands social boundaries but at times he finds it impossible
to keep it all together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is not
because he is a horrible person, it is not <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>because he is living in a house with adults
that let him get away with things, it is not because he needs to be punished to
learn a lesson, the natural consequences that occur are reminder enough, the
insight he has is painful enough and is a self punishment that resonates to his
core.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stardust has a diagnosis of Asperger’s. I believe he has gaps between some of the
synapses in his brain and they don’t spark the way some peoples do, some of the
personality traits that come along with this can be extremely negative.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Stardust has therapy to help develop these links.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">He still has a journey to go – he has to work on areas of his being that parents often
take for granted in their children, work that most children wouldn’t even
consider as work, work that comes so naturally to many that they don’t even
have to blink to follow through the processes - unfortunately at times this can
be very debilitating and sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a
very painful and raw part of Stardust’s difficulties.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">People that spend time with us<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Over Stardust’s life I have learnt a great deal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have learnt a lot about myself, trillions
of details and facts about communication, learnt how to slow life down to
ensure stress is kept to a minimum and I have learnt that to accept and I mean
truly accept Stardust for who he is takes a person made of pure gold. I mean
accept that he has difficulties surrounding resilience, adaptability and
flexible thinking and accept that there is no quick and easy answer. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t mean accept that Stardust will be
aggressive for the rest of his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t
accept that as I know and he knows that one day his brain and body will always
do the right thing.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">We know lots of gold shiny
people and both myself and Stardust are indebted to these people. Those
that see him for the child he truly is not the aggressive monster that takes
over, those that can see into his eyes and have touched him.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">They believe in Stardust and they believe our approach is
helping put the essential building blocks in place that Stardust so desperately
needs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I thank those that understand and so does he – you are
the special ones that will see and comprehend my saying #eyesofagenius<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span><br />
Stardusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06273418608974973511noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6529521883465260642.post-33245885972897831582013-11-01T17:57:00.000+00:002013-11-01T18:07:19.042+00:00Why the name 'Stardust'? and a bit about 'Resolute'<div class="vk_ans" style="margin-bottom: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The definition of Stardust is the following:</span></div>
<div class="vk_ans" style="margin-bottom: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="vk_ans" style="margin-bottom: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">stardust</span></div>
<div>
<div class="lr_dct_ent_ph">
<span class="lr_dct_ph" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ˈstɑːdʌst/</span></div>
<div class="lr_dct_sf_h">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">noun</span></i></div>
<div class="xpdxpnd vk_gy" data-mh="-1">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">noun: <b>stardust</b></span></div>
<ol class="lr_dct_sf_sens"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><div>
<div class="lr_dct_sf_sen vk_txt">
<div style="float: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div style="margin-left: 20px;">
<div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>a magical or charismatic quality or feeling</u> (that is why the name was chosen)</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></li>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></ol>
<div class="lr_dct_sf_sen vk_txt">
<div style="margin-left: 20px;">
<div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In our house we try hard to be more positive than negative, this is what keeps us all going. If we dwelled on all the difficulties we had to overcome then we would never move. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Stardust has a brother, lets call him Resolute (definition: admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering). He is 14, he also has a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome with oppositional defiance disorder and high anxiety (this basically means he will not agree with anyone about anything without holding swords up until dawn). It can be very tiring for him and everyone around. When someone is adamant they are correct believe me they will not give up. Resolute was very keen on getting a diagnosis and he had a thorough assessment done earlier this year - we travelled to The Tavistock Clinic in London. He has managed to keep himself focussed in school to an extent and out and about, but at home we have had to endure very difficult moments. Times when anxiety has struck him so hard. This has caused lots of struggles. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He was relieved by the 'label' he was given as he has been insistent for a while that he has similar challenges to Stardust. I am a bit funny about naming a set of behaviours, it does play havoc in my head, but I do have to hold my hands up and say that it has helped Resolute to know what's going on with him. He literally breathed a sigh of relief after he found out. I saw a weight lifting from his shoulders and since that day he has had a shift in behaviour - still lots to work on but not so ultra challenging. He decided after he got his diagnosis that he didn't want to stay at the school he was at. Too academic, too pushy and nothing like the philosophy we have at home. We hunted about high and low and we discussed about home schooling, but he was keen to move on to another setting and was sure we would find one. We did, but it was all the way down south. It is a small independent school in the countryside and he loves it. The teachers are respectful, the pupils are all kind to each other and he has a good laugh. He isn't spending his days competing about who has the latest gadgets, he is computer programming and playing FIFA and doing lots of things teenage boys should be doing. The most important thing is that he is happy there.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Stardust sees Resolute a lot - we try and make sure we spend at least every third weekend together and he is home for all the holidays so it really isn't as bad as one may imagine. Things soon slip back to normal after a few minutes, it is like we have never been apart.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the boys having their difficulties. It can be too overwhelming and I think at times unhelpful (maybe depressing). We take each day at a time and slow everything down to the speed of a snail. The slower and calmer I can be; the more productive and happy they are. I do so much listening, not to words but to everything. I observe like an owl. I know the boys inside out and back to front and they know me too. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">They can feel emotions across miles - they know my mood is going to switch before I do. They can feel a baby crying and the hunger inside its belly. They can feel anger from people conversing in the street, and often believe it is directed at them. My two boys have an amazing ability to pick up on individuals that are less than genuine. This can cause problems, but sometimes it can be helpful. They have if you like a sixth emotional sense and they don't know what to do with it. It causes crazy reactions inside of them and this is when they can become disengaged, agitated, angry and aggressive. To say a person on the autistic spectrum has no empathy to me is like saying fish can't swim. They have gallons of the stuff, so much that it hurts.</span></div>
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Stardusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06273418608974973511noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6529521883465260642.post-53951658632486270182013-10-29T17:56:00.001+00:002013-10-29T22:28:37.584+00:00The start of our blogging journey<h2>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So today I decided to start a blog properly - I keep thinking I need to do one and never get round to it but today I have.....</span></h2>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This is really to introduce us and what we are about.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Stardust is 9 and he has a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, Sensory Integration Disorder and Dyslexia. I have a bit of a battle in my brain about labels as I find them somewhat of an irrelevance. I think looking at an individual and working out the way they process information is kind of the crux of things. Labels can help in some ways, maybe to access support and with financial bits and bobs but not really for our philosophy. Stardust is a gem, he is like those shiny stars you see but never reach. I am lucky because I have reached him. This is because I have let him be himself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">doesn't go to school, he is educated at home and he has a team of adults that work alongside him. He has therapists a teacher and a teaching assistant. Stardust has only been to school for two years of his 'official school life' he didn't like it and he spent a lot of his time stressed out and very sad and withdrawn. He was in a small independent school to start with and then moved to a 'special' school. I think he would argue that there was nothing special about it. Neither of these places really understood life from his perspective or if they did they didn't trust him to do the right thing. He came home one day nearly two years ago and said he couldn't go to school anymore, he said that he had quite had enough of the carry on. We listened to him and we decided he was right. </span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The next few months were very hard.....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We spent a long time just being - just doing what we could manage to do. Sometimes this was as simple as getting up and eating some breakfast, sometimes it was a little more, like playing a game together. As time went by we could do a little bit more and we started doing stuff like popping to the shops for just one thing, sometimes this was so hard we didn't make it through the shop door. We took all the time we needed. Some days were much better than others. The bad days outweighed the good to start with. Stardust was very sad and still very stressed, so he could become aggressive and angry without warning, he could withdraw into himself and he could stop eating for days at a time. He would sometimes hurt members of the public and attack himself or members of his family and this would be very hard for everyone involved. The thing was it was going to be ok and Stardust knew this because he knew that we were doing the right thing. He knew that even though we were making baby steps we were going to move mountains.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">After about 7 months of leaving school Stardust started spending time with other adults, not just me - he loved it and we started to do bits of 'work' with him. He loved that too. He loved it so much he started asking to do more. He was working so hard and doing so much we had to start preparing and planning loads of things. This has continued. He works hard, not just at 'educational work' but also in his therapy and just on a general day to day basis. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I have so many stories to share about how we have got to be where we are today - the approaches that have been implemented, the communication that we use and how Stardust has continued with his strength and courage to become the empathic, sensitive and caring person he is. We still have times when the world is overwhelming and something triggers an intense response. These are things we are working on all the time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Follow our blog and come join us on the path we travel .... it's a tough rocky road but we are getting there. If you are lucky you might reach Stardust too and see life through the eyes of a genius.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />Stardusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06273418608974973511noreply@blogger.com2